Expose Your Secrets
by MishyFishy and Fesma
Summary: The oddest, new television show! We swiped the diaries of our beloved Fullmetal Alchemist cast! First story, mercy?
1. Chapter 1

MishyFishy: Hey all, and welcome to Chelsea and My very first posted fanfic! Beware: Typos, randomness, and some illiteracy on Chelsea's part. xD

Chelsea: HEY! Anyways, Disclaimer Time!

MishyFishy: Before Chelsea, here, goes on rambling about how she loves the number six, We do not own Fullmetal Alchemist. Chelsea owns Melody, and our friend owns Vincent.

Chelsea: Sob I wanted to do the disclaimer!

MishyFishy: Sure you did…--;;

Chelsea: Whatever, On to the story!

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Fesma: Hey everybody!

MishyFishy: Hey, wait.. Who's everybody?

Fesma: Our audience, Mish..

MishyFishy: …Audience… O.O

Fesma: Yes, AUDIENCE! Now do you remember why we're here on Er..Erm.. Yes, but you can tell them for me..

Fesma: -.- You don't remember do you?

MishyFishy: No, not really… Now, just tell us!

Fesma: Were here on.. (Cheesy light show) EXPOSE YOUR SECRETS! The hottest, yet odd, new Television show! We have here a large amount of data. And might I add, totally embarrassing data. This Data is all coming from these lovely diaries we swiped from our loveable Fullmetal Alchemist cast! .

MishyFishy: Ohh..Ahh…

Fesma: (Points to large sparkling pile of books)

MishyFishy: And we get to read all of these? On live television?

Fesma: Yes, my gullible, non-observant friend.

MishyFishy: That's so totally awsome! Wait… HEY!...Wait did you say It's smart one!

Fesma: Oh! So that's why I can never get here…

MishyFishy: Gosh, and you call ME non-observant..

Fesma: Now, who should we start off with first? (Picks up pink fluffy book) How about this one? (opens it, and falls over laughing) Oh my god, you'll never guess who's this is!

MishyFishy: TELLL! (Spazzes)

Fesma: Well, this little beauty belongs to none other than, (points to big screen behind the two hosts. I giant headshot pops up.) Our beloved Furher!

MishyFishy: O.O..XDDD ARE YOU SERIOUS?

Fesma: I wouldn't lie about something this funny. NOW! Lets see what the Furher has on his mind…

(Dear Diary,

Today was a wonderful experience for me. I was sitting in my office like always roaming Central Headquarters like I always do and totally ignoring my work (then going over and dumping the work load on Mustang's desk) when I heard the most beautiful voice. I looked around to see that it was melody……..the colonel's neice…..such a beautiful woman she is, I just have to make her mine.)

Fesma: Oh….Oh my…. O.o;; I…can't believe it, look.. (hands diary to Mish.)

MishyFishy: Takes a moment to read. THE FURHER HAS A CRUSH ON ROY'S NEICE!

Hawkeye, Fuery & Roy: O.O….. :O

MishyFishy: (Throws diary up in disgust, it falls back and hits mish in the head.) ..Ow..

Fesma: Yes! (Turns to news cast cameras,) You heard it first, here on 'EXPOSE YOUR SECRETS!'

Furher:o

Fesma: Now, lets welcome our first guest to the show, (motions to big screen showing King Bradley walking through the studio doors) OUR BELOVED FURHER, AND NEW FOUND MELODY FAN BOY, KING BRADLEY!

Audience: (Cricket.)

MishFishy: Oooohhh…..fanboy? wouldn't it be fanGIRL? O.o…(Audience crickets again)..Heh Erm.. OH! Look, ice cream! (runs off stage)

Furher: Well….Er……Hello.. (creepy smile)

Fesma: (Shudder.) Well, do you have any comments on your newly humiliating exposed secret! (Cheesy grin.) Oh….and be careful….(Points to fan boy section.)

Furher: I…Er….Um….GIVE ME BACK MY DIARY! (Jumps up and down like a little kid trying to get the diary back.)

(Camera moves to the theater doors as they open)

Narrator: PLEASE WELCOME THE GIRL WITH THE FLARE IN HER STEP AND HER SNAP, OUR LOVELY MELODY MUSTANG! (Melody walks through the door with her hair up and dressed in proper Amestris uniform.)

Fanboys: (Scream like little girls.) WE LOVE YOU!

Vincent and Scar: (Screaming like little girls, too.) I LOVE YOU MORE THOUGH!

MishyFishy: (walks back on stage, face covered in dried ice cream) I still can't believe BRADLEY the Furher likes MELODY! (Whipes face.)

Havoc and Hughes: Hmm… WE MUST FOLLOW THE FURHER'S EXAMPLE! (Stares at mel and grins.) WE LOVE YOU MEL!

Mel:o Interesting….(Strokes chin and runs onto stage waving to the crowd.) (Flying water bottle comes and hits Melody in the head.) (Falls to ground then jumps up.) I'M OKAY! (Another water bottle comes flying and hits Mel again causing her to not get back up)

Heather: Sorry! (AN: Heather: friend from school)

Fesma: Okay…So, we can get on with our lives! Come back after--

Mishyfishy: These words of people none of us care about!

commercial


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

(End commercial)

Fesma: And we're back! You haven't missed much. Melody was just shipped off the emergency room for intensive surgery, and King Braderella was booed off the stage.

MishyFishy: xD He deserved it. Anywho, can we have the next diary please?

Fesma: Of course! Drum roll please! (Drum rolls across stage) (Fesma grabs a bright green book, and hands it to Mish)

MishyFishy: This one belongs to... (Opens to first page) OH MY GOD, IT'S ARCHERS! GET IT AWAY FROM ME! (Throws book towards the audience, hitting Hughes) Oops.

Fesma: Come back to me! (Holds out hand and uses **the force** to make it float back) Ha! (Opens to second page) O.O (Sweat drop) Mish, look-it.

MishyFishy: (Glances over) Oh, God! That's just not right!

(Camera zooms into diary; explicit pictures of Zolf Kimblee are shown.)

Kimblee: (Meep)

Fesma: OKAY! Next page... (Turns page) Oh, a tape! (Pops tape into the VCR) (Explicit clips or Kimblee & Archer are shown)

MishyFishy: EW! (Goes into fetal position, sucking thumb)

('Ew' goes through the crowd)

Kimblee: (Yells over to Archer) I told you not to show anyone!

Archer: But I didn't! They did! (Pointing to Fesma and Mish)

MishyFishy: Shut up you stupid blob of disgusting... Err… Ew-ness! (Turns to Fesma) Okay, moving on to the next page... (Turns page.) O.o Okay that's just disturbing...

Fesma: What?

MishyFishy: It says... 'Riza Hawkeye Riza Hawkeye Riza Hawkeye Riza Hawkeye' Over 'n' over again…

Riza, Fuery, &Roy: O.O

Riza: HEY! (Stands up and points at Archer) I thought I killed you!

Fesma: Security!

(Thousands of tree frogs come in and carry Archer out of the theater.)

Fesma: Okay! Next Diary! (Alarm sounds) Never mind! It's commercial time!

commercial


	3. Chapter 3

(End commercial)

(Mish is missing from her seat)

Fesma: OKAY! And we're back!

MishyFishy: (Comes back on stage, trying to make herself dizzy) "It's Peanut butter Jelly Time!"(She collides with the giant pile of books, knocking them all down. One is left on Mish's face) I think I've found our next victim! (Opens front cover) Okay, who's Heughburt?

Fesma: (Swipes diary anime style) (Reads, and becomes starry-eyed) This ain't Heughburts! It's Scars!

MishyFishy: Then why does it say Heughburt? (Gasps three short gasps) That must be his real name!

(Audience gasps)

Scar: IT'S NOT ANYMORE! (Sobsob)

Fesma: Let's take a look! (Flips a few pages in) Okay, this is odd…

(camera zooms into page)

Diary: Killing People, Killing People, Killing People, Killing People, Killing People, Killing People, Killing People, Killing People, Killing People, Melody, Killing people in the name of God, Killing People, Killing People, Melody…

Fesma: Mish, is this right!

MishyFishy: (Reads) Scar and Melody… That sounds so cute! (Sees Mustang out or the corner of her eye. His head is about to explode) I MEAN NOT RIGHT!

Fesma: (Flips a few more pages) O.O; Look at this! (Shows to mish)

(The page shows "Melody" over and over again)

MishyFishy: Okay Stalker much? .. HEY! HE should meet Amanda! (AN: Amanda is a friend of ours who stalks every guy she likes.)

Fesma: (Flips a few more pages where a tape is duck-taped to the page. The tape has 'Drunken Night' on it) OO; xD! Oh boy I wonder what this is…

MishyFishy: (Looks up at Roy and Vincent) Chelsea, I wouldn't if I were you…

Vincent: (Tackles Scar, and holds up by the scruff. He throws Scar onto the stage)

Fesma: SECURTIY! Confiscate Roy's gloves, or we'll have one cancelled show…

(Tree frogs stampede in and eat Roy's hands)

Roy: O.O My sexy hands!

Fesma: Okay, pop in the tape!

(Mish put the tape in the VCR and presses play)

(The tape only shows a door) Mel's Voice: I wuuvvv you! (A single bump is heard)

MishyFishy: OKAY, I think that's enough! (Presses stop button)

(Melody Barges through door)

Scar: (stands up) Melody?

Mel: I'm alive! And it's all because of YOU, Scar!

(Scar and Mel make out)

Riza, Havoc, Fuery, Breda, Falmon, Denny, and Maria: O.O

Roy & Vincent: D 

(Riza shoots at Scar and Mel, but Roy moves her hand away to avoid shooting Mel) (Bullet just misses Mish's head hitting the big screen behind her)

Roy & Riza: Oops…

Fesma: Oh great, we ALL know what that means…

(Envy burst through the door.) (Scar and Mel are still making out)

Envy: I AM THE REPAIR MAN MAN MAN MAN MAN!

MishyFishy: Don't you mean Shman shman shman? --;;

Envy:O(Runs out of the studio crying)

(Ed runs up on stage and fixes the screen with Alchemy)

Fesma: Okay with that done…

MishyFishy: Commercial time!

Fesma: First… (Walks over to Mel and Scar; tries to push them off stage) You can stop now…

MishyFishy: PLEASE!

Commercial


	4. Chapter 4

MishyFishy: Yeah, we forgot disclaimers on chapters two and three, and we're too lazy to change them, so, we still don't own Fullmetal Alchemist.

Chelsea: Though we wish we did!

MishyFishy: Except Archer, they can keep him. Oh and Rose and Winry, they can keep them too.

Chelsea: On with the story!

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(End commercial)

Fesma: And we're back! And— (sighs) Mel, Scar, Can you please take your love lives somewhere else?

MishyFishy: PLEASE!

(Mel and Scar are back in their seats, making out)

MishyFishy: My God, they're like, eating each other's faces. Bleugh! That's just gross, okay?

Fesma: Anyways, onto our next diary. Mish, will you do the honors?

MishyFishy: MHM! (Walks up to pile of books and picks up a particularly bulky one) Ahem, this one belongs to... (Opens front cover) Kain Fuery!

(Fuery Blushes) (Roy, Havoc, and Breda giggle to themselves)

MishyFishy: Aww! He's so cute when he blushes like that…

Fesma: I thought you didn't like guys…

MishyFishy: I don't, but… (Turns to camera, and gets all serious-like) I now declare myself… A Fuery fangirl.

(Roy, Havoc, and Breda all crack up)

Havoc: (rubbing his eyes) Oh my god! I'm crying from laughing!

Fesma: Heh, poor Fuery.

MishyFishy: Hey! At least I'm not a crazed fangirl like you are over Scar. And I'm not even that serious! Gosh.

Fesma: Hey I'm not crazed! Just overly obsessed-like.

MishyFishy: (sarcastic) Yeah, and I'm boy crazy.

Fesma: Whatever Sarcasmo.

MishyFishy: I'm not sarcasmo! I'm Mish the Fish!

Fesma: So, you're a Christian music radio station?

MishyFishy: (Slaps forehead) No. (Random pillow poofs into Mish's hands) (Mish screams into the pillow) Okay… (deep breath) Moving on, onto the diary!

Fuery: Why me?

Riza: (Takes Fuery's hand) It's okay Cain. It'll be over soon.

(Roy turns green with envy, no pun intended)

MishyFishy: (lets out a snort-laugh type thing at Riza and Fuery) Anywho. Let's go…

(Flips a few pages in) Ah, here we go. (Pulls out a lock of blonde hair) Hmm, I wonder who this belongs too…

Fesma: (looks up to Riza and Fuery) (Sarcastic) Heh, yeah I wonder…

MishyFishy: Okay! (Flips another page) (A mass of photos fall on the floor) Hmmm…

(Mish and Fesma both look the photos. There's a photo of Riza at the office, one of her and Hayate on a walk, and another of her at the eastern HQ's last Christmas party)

MishyFishy: Man, he's worse than Hughes…

Fesma: Picks up diary and flips another page) Dude, (Pulls out a wrinkled brown shirt) What the?

Riza: Hey! That's mine! It went missing from the locker rooms ages ago! (Looks at Fuery, steps away to the other side of Roy)

Fesma: Okay, there's a tape in here too, but honestly I don't want to know what's on it.

MishyFishy: Okay, this is a bit off topic but, it's been forever and Mel and Scar still haven't stopped…

(Everyone switches to face Mel and Scar)

Roy: O.O Why, I otta—

(Roy attempts to tackle them, but Riza grabs him by the waist before he gets anywhere)

MishyFishy: OH MY GOD! (Points and waves finger and Roy and Riza)

Hughes: I KNEW IT! (Does a victory dance) Now, who knows a good wedding planner?

MishyFishy: Wait, Hughes, I thought you were dead….

Hughes: I am, I'm a ghost!

MishyFishy: Oh! M'kay.

(Lights go out. Somehow the cameras are still recording)

MishyFishy: Oh crap, here we go again.

(Sound of studio doors opening)

Envy: The repair man man man man man has returned turned turned!

MishyFishy: Shut up you shman shman shman.

Envy: Hey, I should tell you th—(Gun shot sound)

(Short silence)

Riza: Finally, he shut up!

MishyFishy: Woah, how the hell did you shoot him in the dark?

Riza: I'm not exactly sure, but it wasn't easy while trying to hold on the colonel. Hey! Stop squirming!

MishyFishy: That kinda sounded wrong… (Sound of a slap) OW! My head! What was that for?

Fesma: Stop being a pervert.

(Lights come back on)

MishyFishy: Thank G—OH MY GOD!

(Riza is now holding on to scar by the waist and Roy is making out with Mel)

Fesma: That's just not right…

(Scar screams all high pitched-like) (Riza grabs her ears)

Riza: Oww…

(Roy and Mel finally realize what is going on and scream all high pitched-like)

(Vincent screams louder and more high-pitched than anyone else, until Mish screams. Mish, by far, wins the high pitched contest)

Ryan: What's with all the screaming! (AN: Ryan: School friend who Chelsea hates)

Fesma: Shut up Ryan! You big headed, arrogant, little piece of—

MishyFishy: SECURITY!

(Thousands of giant bullfrogs stampede in and eat Ryan)

Casen: (AN: Casen: another school friend) AHH! He had my lunch! Now I'll never get to eat that last cub of banana crème yogurt! (AN: Banana crème yogurt…think about it..)

MishyFishy and Fesma: XD!

(Security eats Casen)

MishyFishy: Okay, I think it's time for another commercial!

(Commercial)


End file.
